express yourself

I was reading over an old issue of Somerset Studio today during my lunch break at work. There's really just something about those back issues that I love - they tend to have some really great articles that refer me back to more formal mixed media art, some that is much simpler, clean, less busy. This particular issue got me thinking of my first loves that I haven't tapped into in quite a while, I guess because I've been too busy trying to be what everyone else is being. I love to read the wisdom and insight shared by the artists in these articles - they have truly thought things through, learned and grown. I was humbled by the artists in this issue, as I realized that I simply do not take the time to stretch and challenge myself anymore, because it won't create things fast enough for me to feel like I've been successfully productive. I am tantalized by my first loves of colored pencil, handmade papers, simple sculptures of wood, paper, and light, oil paintings, and detail drawings. It has been too long since I've shared a project with them, and I miss it.

I definitely think way too hard about all the wrong things. Again, I don't seem to stop long enough to allow myself to formulate my thoughts. I can never think of the right words for what I am trying to express, and I work way too hard to force meaning into what I'm doing. The meaning should be the starting point driving the project, not something I force feed in later. What can I introduce into my life to exercise these muscles again? Some of these things I may have already recently started, things I prayerfully chose to pursue or refrain from during the Lenten season - delving into those things that remind me of who I am and make me feel the most me. Slowing down, in general, would be good.

I wish I could take time to do art and journal every day. How do I focus without becoming legalistic with myself? I blossomed while at school, always did so well in each assignment, testing the limits and boundaries of each project given to us, finding ways to make the ideas mine. I think the main point here is that the original idea really wasn't mine, so the scope was automatically narrowed down to considerably and I did not become overwhelmed by all the possibilities. It's not like I can't think of my own ideas, its that I can't seem to manager them. Too bad they don't teach us in school how handle our ideas ourselves, running with them instead of being run over by them. Can anyone relate to this?

Anyway, just some thoughts, stuff running through my brain this week. I'm feeling a big motivated to whip out that art journal again…